In retrospect and now that I have a beautiful new kitchen, the kitchen flood ordeal doesn't seem like it should have been a very big deal, and yet it was incredibly stressful. A huge part of the stress is because I'd never experienced anything similar and didn't know what my rights were as a flood victim, where to turn for information, what resources I could draw on, or even what questions I should be asking.
One very important life lesson was forcefully driven home to me during this experience: Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. And then ask for it again.
Even though the plumber's mistake had reeked havoc on my kitchen and resulting in having to have two small area rugs in my dining room professionally cleaned, I didn't know what I was entitled to as a victim and I was afraid to ask for anything, even to ask them to pay for the rug cleaning (which wasn't cheap!). With a lot of encouragement and guidance from a couple of people savvy about the construction and remediation processes, I discovered what I was entitled to, and then got up the courage to ask for that and more.
The act of simply asking and then asking again and again made all the difference. I had to ask for some things repeatedly and even hound them for a reimbursement for my out-of-pocket expenses at the end. Sometimes they responded promptly, sometimes they gave me the run-around. Sometimes I asked someone else involved in the case to ask on my behalf for what I wanted, to reinforce my original request. It was a pain in the you-know-where but it ultimately meant that I'm not longer living with a mold-infested kitchen and I didn't have to pay for the rug cleaning.
Why are we often so afraid to ask for things, even when we are entitled to or owed them? The psychology behind it eludes me. Do women fear asking more than men? (I think this is a yes.) Do we see asking as confrontational or challenging when we don't want to rock the boat or appear too demanding? Maybe that's the worst-case scenario--not that we will be told no but that we will appear demanding and high-maintenance and not be liked.
Do we assume the other party will simply give us what we are owed--implying that if they don't offer something, it's not within our rights to have it? Does it go back to some childhood lesson involving not speaking unless spoken to or waiting our turn or simply playing nicely with others?
It's not hard to ask for what we want and deserve in a respectful and professional manner. We don't have to be confrontational or the nightmarish overly-demanding customer to get our point across and get what we are owed. So why do we hesitate to ASK?
I may never learn the definitive answer to that question, but I do know that I need to be more assertive and forward when it comes to the small act of ASKING for what I want/am owed/deserve/am guaranteed/am promised. And if my voice isn't heard the first time, I shouldn't be afraid to ask again. How many more doors could open for me--for all of us--just by asking them to do so?
One very important life lesson was forcefully driven home to me during this experience: Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. And then ask for it again.
Even though the plumber's mistake had reeked havoc on my kitchen and resulting in having to have two small area rugs in my dining room professionally cleaned, I didn't know what I was entitled to as a victim and I was afraid to ask for anything, even to ask them to pay for the rug cleaning (which wasn't cheap!). With a lot of encouragement and guidance from a couple of people savvy about the construction and remediation processes, I discovered what I was entitled to, and then got up the courage to ask for that and more.
The act of simply asking and then asking again and again made all the difference. I had to ask for some things repeatedly and even hound them for a reimbursement for my out-of-pocket expenses at the end. Sometimes they responded promptly, sometimes they gave me the run-around. Sometimes I asked someone else involved in the case to ask on my behalf for what I wanted, to reinforce my original request. It was a pain in the you-know-where but it ultimately meant that I'm not longer living with a mold-infested kitchen and I didn't have to pay for the rug cleaning.
Why are we often so afraid to ask for things, even when we are entitled to or owed them? The psychology behind it eludes me. Do women fear asking more than men? (I think this is a yes.) Do we see asking as confrontational or challenging when we don't want to rock the boat or appear too demanding? Maybe that's the worst-case scenario--not that we will be told no but that we will appear demanding and high-maintenance and not be liked.
Do we assume the other party will simply give us what we are owed--implying that if they don't offer something, it's not within our rights to have it? Does it go back to some childhood lesson involving not speaking unless spoken to or waiting our turn or simply playing nicely with others?
It's not hard to ask for what we want and deserve in a respectful and professional manner. We don't have to be confrontational or the nightmarish overly-demanding customer to get our point across and get what we are owed. So why do we hesitate to ASK?
I may never learn the definitive answer to that question, but I do know that I need to be more assertive and forward when it comes to the small act of ASKING for what I want/am owed/deserve/am guaranteed/am promised. And if my voice isn't heard the first time, I shouldn't be afraid to ask again. How many more doors could open for me--for all of us--just by asking them to do so?
1 comment:
When I don't ask, it is mostly because I don't know what I'm entitled to. Like the situation you've experienced, I am not sure I would have though to ask unless I read a million things first. I could save myself a lot of trouble by just asking. At least you are seeing the good that came out of the situation. It's a big step and most people can't even get there.
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