Time and the Family Calendar

In December 2006 I created a custom calendar for 2007 full of family photos and gave copies to my immediate family members for Christmas. My brother Jeremy had died earlier in the year and our family was living in disparate locations across the globe. I thought it would be a good way for us to remember him and remain connected to each other. The calendar didn't feature stellar artistic design but it was fun to look at the photos and be reminded of each other every month.

Amateurish as that calendar was, it was a major hit in the family. In the run-up to Christmas 2007, I was told in no uncertain terms by parents and siblings alike that I "had to" make a family calendar for 2008. What had started as a one-off Christmas gift had, rather surprisingly to me, become a non-negotiable tradition.

I upped my game with the 2008 calendar, choosing better backgrounds and layouts and using many more photos than I had the previous year. I like to think that each successive calendar is a bit better than the previous year's as I get more creative and Shutterfly offers better and more options for layout and design. I collect the photos from family members, combine them with my own, then carefully select those that are calendar-worthy. Each year’s new calendar is a tightly guarded secret not revealed until Christmas day, when children and adults alike eagerly go through the pages trying to spot their own faces and smiling at the memories represented there.

2011 calendar; I have loads of fun coming up with a title and special cover for each calendar

Over time, the calendar has also acquired a particular format. Each month is dedicated to photos of the family member(s) born that month, and December is a mash-up of all of us. Because we have no birthdays in January, one nephew born in May is now featured in January while his brother, also born in May, gets the bulk of that month's pictures. Photos are generally only of immediate family members--my parents, siblings, and their offspring--but occasionally I'll include pictures of an extended family member, such as a grandparent or favorite aunt or uncle.
 

2013 calendar

Another important element of the calendar is that the photos must be from the previous year only (thus, the 2008 calendar featured photos from 2007), unless I decide to mix in some childhood photos. Both of my parents have, at one time or another, tried to slip in flattering photos of themselves taken several years earlier--my dad submitted a photo once that appeared to have been taken circa 1987!--but I have caught these attempts at sabotage and thwarted them every time. Yes, choosing which photos to include in the family calendar does give me a lot of power, but don't worry, I always use it for good. 

2014 calendar

The (self-imposed) requirement to use only photos from the previous year has had an unexpected outcome, however. Year after year, everyone in the family has new photos: photos of trips, birthday celebrations, dance performances, the first day of school, random ice cream and nature outings together. But year after year, I can choose from only the same limited stock of photos of my two brothers, both of whom have passed away. My brother Jeremy died in 2006 at the age of 30 and my brother Marshall in 2008 at the age of 25.

Jeremy, probably taken about a year before he died

My brothers’ lives are frozen in time. They never age nor do they send us evidence of their recent experiences. The calendar doesn’t document changes in their hair or clothing styles, doesn’t show expanding waistlines or new laugh lines around their eyes. The calendar will never feature photos of Marshall's college graduation or Jeremy trouncing his son, now age 14, in a video game competition.

Marshall, taken about eight months before he died

It's important to me to give each brother his birthday month in the calendar just like I do for all the other family members, because it helps us remember them and because, even dead, they are still part of our family. But putting together those months in the calendar always makes me a little bit sad. It is a reminder of the passage of time and of two vibrant lives who will never have any new photos to share.

Since that first awkward effort in 2006, the family calendar has become a chronicle of my family member’s lives, documenting our comings and goings and keeping us updated on each other’s activities, even while we live far apart and don't see each other as often as we'd like. "That one's going in the family calendar!" and "Come on, we need a photo for the calendar" are commonly heard phrases when family members get together, even for something as mundane as a weekend hike or ice cream outing. Like a museum curator, I construct these annual family photo exhibitions that remind us of both the lives we are living and the lives we have lost. 

Next year's calendar, hot off the press